WWe live in a society where we have been made to believe our success in life is based on how much we do, how much we make, how much we have when in reality it is these very cultural constructs that lead us to mental illness, bad habits, feelings of worthlessness, etc. What we do is a much different ideal. Valuing the quantity of accomplishments is like being stuck on a treadmill you know will increase 5mph every 30 minutes. At some point you are going to crash and burn. I am a huge believer in taking the time to step back and evaluate the reality of your limits and boundaries, in all facets of life but particularly when it comes to life management. To do’s, tasks, events, birthday parties, special projects will always invade our sense of obligation with we allow them to over shadow our priorities and what is truly valuable for us in order to maintain a balanced life.
“My husband and I work different schedules, I own my own business and typically have to work evenings and weekends. My husband works about 8-6 Monday thru Friday. I feel like we never see each other and I can feel us going in separate directions. What can I do to get us back on track?” –G.S
1. Schedule a meeting: check in, address emotions, reconnect, and discuss matters of the heart in an open, private, safe and constructive manner.
2. Don’t forget the sex: Research and experience have me convinced the natural abilities we have to connect emotionally within a committed, monogamous relationship is directly tied to physical intimacy. Has it been too long? Notice the longer you go the more you disconnect. Stay on top of it… no pun intended. Make it a priority.
3. Make Plans: plan a trip, a project, a common challenge or activity that is realistic and within a 1-2 week time frame.
4. Check your communication mode/frequency: the modes of communication available to us are vast but not always effective. In intimate relationships it is sure to say connection is lost through impersonal communication no matter the frequency. Texting and emails can supplement some planning and sharing of the grocery list, but matters of the heart have NO place being explored through those modes of communication. Are you having more or less one on one, face to face interaction with your partner? Or are you likely to be engaging in distracted, multitasking, attempts to communicate?
“I struggle to manage constantly feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I have tons of things to do and don’t know how to get everything done without feeling like I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off. How can I better manage myself in a way that allows me to relax and also feel like I’m not slacking just because I don’t get everything on my “to do” list done.” -K.M.
1. Identify your top priorities for the week as you are able. Knowing some unplanned but necessary tasks may arise. Allow for that in your schedule.
2. Schedule time off, regularly: A day, an hour, however long you need to address self-care and re-center. Time dedicated just for YOU. Do it daily.
3. Affirm yourself as you go through the week that the importance of your time is found in WHAT you do not HOW MUCH you do. It is impossible to do everything no matter who you are.
4. Develop reasonable timelines: maybe some things don’t HAVE to be done this day but would more easily fit in a different day. Make arrangements to proceed accordingly.